Wren’s Five Points

Q & A with Wren

Q: What are your vital statistics when it comes to:

Age? A: “Although curiosity may be the impetus for such a question, ulti- mately, what does it matter? Besides, perception is, arguably, reality in each person’s eyes. If you perceive me as 30 and I tell you I’m 18 – which, obviously I’m not – you will only doubt me. Any information on this particular subject yields no usable data whatsoever.”

Height? A: “Now, I will concede to this question. Where your first questions was, no offense, useless, this question does have relevance. Age does cloud an objective viewpoint to an extent but height is, not only visible, it is also something of a factor to success; be it in the workplace or with love. There have been tests on this subject – I can’t give you accurate references at this time – but a man who is tall, not abnormally tall mind you, but in the six foot to six foot eight range is seen as dominant among his peers. This could go back to early hunter-gatherer days where- Whats that? Oh, I apologize. I am five-foot-seven or roughly 1.702 meters.”

Weight? A: “I refuse to weigh myself using rudimentary devices sold in department stores. The only completely accurate system of weight measure is a precision balance scale. Only such a device can be calibrated correctly. Bathroom scales not only are apt to inaccurate measures based on the surface they are placed on, but they lack proper measuring units. They’re clumsy at best. Yet I do not posses a precision balance scale large enough to fit myself upon and, if I did, I would have to put my trust in another person to add masses and tally the count. Such a person would have to be educated in the mechanism and would, therefore, wish to get paid for his knowledge of such. That’s a monetary transaction I do not wish to undertake for such novel information.”

Q: What kind of work do you do and do you like it?

A: “[Laughing] I was hired as a Computer Systems Engineer but those who employed me misused the title. Only after arriving to my first day of work did I realize I would be doing basic I.T. work, and even that doesn’t accurately describe my position. My job is mostly just making sure everybody’s computer works and they stay connected to the Internet and their LAN. Child’s play, really. However, they never cease to amaze in the many ways they can abuse the system, their hardware, and the software. I would have to say I enjoy my current occupation, it leaves me substantial time to play online games in between their so-called ‘technical disasters’”.

Q: What is your home life like?

A: “My apartment is modest. It is more square footage than I need but not enough for me and a roommate. I live in a two bedroom apartment. My computer systems, components, etc. are in the living room which leaves me with a spare bedroom which I would like to rent out. However, the individuals whom I’ve shown the room to have an aversion to having the living room filled with my aforementioned computer hardware. They would prefer a couch or something along those lines. If I were to place a couch, coffee table, television and such in the living room, the only place I would have sufficient space for my computer equipment would be the spare bedroom, thus eliminating the spare bedroom. It is a catch-22.”

Q: What are some of your likes and dislikes?

A: “I did not plan for such a long line of questioning. Was it your intention to keep me here for such an exorbitant amount of time? Nevertheless, I will continue. Much like many males my age, I do enjoy the company of a woman. I find that most women, unfortunately, do not share my interests. And the ones who do, I am not physically attracted to. As for other aspects of my life, as I mentioned – or at least hinted – my fondness for gaming. In that realm I feel like the real me… a seven-foot tall blonde warrior elf. I dislike stupidity, but who doesn’t? That is not a rhetorical question. The answer is simply ‘those who are stupid’.”

Q: What’s something embarrassing about yourself that you don’t openly share with people?

A: “On Fridays between the hours of seven am and six pm, while driving in my car, I choose to listen to the radio station that plays popular music instead of NPR.”

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